Episode 10: Sin & Confession
Augustine: Sinner Turned Saint
An opening mediation
“Hearing nuns’ confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.”
“In confession occurs the breakthrough of the Cross. The root of all sin is pride, superbia. I want to be my own law, I have a right to my self, my hatred and my desires, my life and my death. The mind and flesh of man are set on fire by pride; for it is precisely in his wickedness that man wants to be as God. Confession in the presence of a brother is the profoundest kind of humiliation. It hurts, it cuts a man down, it is a dreadful blow to pride...In the deep mental and physical pain of humiliation before a brother - which means, before God - we experience the Cross of Jesus as our rescue and salvation. The old man dies, but it is God who has conquered him. Now we share in the resurrection of Christ and eternal life.”
“Very few men have had such an impact on Christianity as St. Augustine. He was born in AD 354 in North Africa, at that time a strong and dynamic Christian region. His father was a prominent pagan, but his mother, Monica, was a devout Christian. She intended that Augustine be baptized, but in his adolescence, he distanced himself from the Church and did not want to be baptized. He studied Latin literature and became a follower of an esoteric philosophy known as Manichaeism.
He had a mistress with whom he lived for fifteen years. She bore him a son, but he later broke off with her while living in Milan, where they had gone because he had been given a teaching position there. He found himself gradually more attracted to Christianity as he listened to the preaching of St. Ambrose, the bishop of Milan. But he resisted conversion, though his mother prayed persistently for him.
In a book entitled The Confessions, written in his later years as a spiritual and theological reflection on his life, Augustine describes the final steps to his conversion. He had felt the tension between attachment to his sinful ways and attraction to Christ and the Gospel. One day in the year 386, he went crying into the garden of the house where he was staying with friends. He was weeping because of his inability to make a decision for conversion. But then he heard the voice of a child from a neighboring house singing the refrain, “Take it and read, take it and read.” He picked up the Letters of St. Paul and read the first passage his eyes fell upon: “not in orgies and drunkenness, not in promiscuity and licentiousness, not in rivalry and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the desires of the flesh” (Rom 13:13-14). Augustine recognized the grace of God in this reading and embraced conversion.
He was baptized by St. Ambrose in 387 and returned to North Africa in 388. In 391, while visiting the town of Hippo, he was urged by the Christian population to become a priest; he accepted, though reluctantly. In 395 he became bishop of Hippo. As a Christian, priest, and bishop, he wrote numerous books to explain and defend Christian doctrine. His homilies and sermons were written down, and they witness to the depth and power of his preaching. He died in 430.
Augustine knew the damaging effects of sin. In The Confessions, he admits his own sinfulness even as a boy: “Many and many a time I lied to my tutor, my masters, and my parents, because I wanted to play games or watch some futile show or was impatient to imitate what I saw on the stage.” But he also experienced the greater power of grace, of God’s enabling us to overcome sin and accept the Gospel of his Son. St. Augustine knew God’s mercy in the forgiveness of sins gained for us by Jesus Christ. Today Catholics encounter this same mercy and forgiveness in the Sacrament of Penance.
The Confession Paradox
Confession is a unique paradox in Catholicism. Converts often admit that “going to confession” is one of the biggest stumbling blocks to becoming Catholic. Yet, people who grow up Catholic say that confession is one of the best parts of being Catholic. What causes the divide?
The idea that you need someone else to forgive your sins runs counter to most people’s understanding of sin and penance. In reality, I really struggled with this not just before I converted but after. For a long while after my conversion, I always treated confession as an obligation to fulfill, but had never really embraced confession as something to look forward to, which is a pity, as I was denying myself one of the greatest gifts the Church has to offer. ”
The first time I went to confession was part of my RCIA preparation for receiving the sacraments of the Eucharist and Confirmation on Easter Sunday. Going to confession for the first time made me uncomfortable. First, I grated at the idea that I needed another person to forgive my sins. Second, I was nervous about having to list all the terrible things I had done to another person. Would he judge me for what I had done? How would the priest not look at me differently after hearing about the poor choices I had made before becoming a Catholic? Then to make it worse, our RCIA director mentioned that the Church didn't use the traditional confessional booth, so I'd be face to face with the priest while I did it! UGH!
To prepare for a 1st confession also seemed like a daunting task. There was no way I was going to remember all of the sins I had committed since I had been baptized. I was 12 when I was baptized and that makes 13 years of sins! I went through the Examination of Conscience the RCIA director gave me to prepare and I made a list of all the horrible things that I had done, left it by my bedside and went to sleep. The next day I got up, put the list in my pocket to be ready for Confession later the evening. All through the day, I kept checking to make sure that the list was still in my pocket, as I was too afraid to lose it and too embarrassed to have anyone else find it.
Then RCIA came. Everyone else seemed as nervous as me. The whole conversation was stilted and awkward even though we had always conversed very easily with each other. Father Phillip heard confessions in his office. A large room with a big couch and a comfortable leather chair. I walked in took a seat in the chair. Father Phillip was smiling and very welcoming. He said there was nothing to worry about and promised that if my first confession was face to face, then I would never really need the screen. He guided me through the whole process. He listened very intently as a read my list, never interrupting me. When I was finished, he took a moment before speaking. He offered me some advice about things I was struggling with and gave me a couple of things to do as penance. Never once did he stop smiling or tell me I was bad person. He did tell me how much Jesus loved me and assured me that all my sins, even those I had forgotten about where now all forgiven, that I was now free to go back out in the world and sin no more.
Leaving confession, I was no longer nervous or ashamed. I only felt clean. It is hard to describe the feeling. The best attempt I can make would be to say that that fresh feeling you get when you step out of the shower had been applied to my soul. It comes from that blessed assurance that your sins are really are forgiven. I never need worry about those sins again. Now that I frequent confession, I can say that soul fresh from the shower feeling never fails to disappoint.
Weekly
Prayer
Intentions
To be prayed daily
Pause for some silence
Pause for some silence
The Sign of the Cross
Start by touching your right hand to your forehead, then your stomach, followed by your left and right shoulders while saying "In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Amen"
Prayer to our Redeemer
Soul of Christ sanctify me. Body of Christ save me. Blood of Christ inebriate me. Water from the side of Christ, wash me. Passion of Christ strengthen me. Good Jesus, hear me. In your wounds, hide me. Apart from you let me never be. From the enemy, defend me.
At the hour of my death, call me. And close you bid me, that with your saints, I may always be praising you eternally. Amen.
Specific intentions:
We adore you, oh Christ, and we praise you, because by your holy Cross you have redeemed the world.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me a sinner.
Lord, help me to peer into myself and see my shortcomings, and with that honest look give me the courage to amend my life.
Personal intentions:
Please add your own intentions here.
Our Father:
Our Father, who art in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Glory Be:
Glory be to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be world without end, Amen.
Weekly
Journal
Prompt
Weekly Readings
Confession is a great gift of grace from God. A way of picking ourselves up out of the dirt where we fall and moving forward with a clean slate. What is your attitude toward confession today? Why do you think people need to have the burden of sin and guilt lifted from their hearts? How can you commit yourself to a lifelong process of moral and spiritual conversion? Take a few minutes to write down your thoughts on these personal reflections.
Click on the Link to download each of the articles for further reading this week.
Original Sin
Why should I carry the blame for someone else? Click here to download
Actual Sin
Why is sin important? Click here to download
The Sacrament of Penance
How can I get a fresh start? Click here to download
Weekly Activity:
Examine of Conscience
This week your task is tough.
To examine your conscience you must be willing to honestly assess the choices you make and ask yourself the hard questions. What follows is a series of questions to answer for yourself, in order to help you identify where your choices have fallen short. Some Catholics find it helpful to do an Examine of Conscience before going to Confession to help them identify what needs confessing. Your task for this week is as follows:
Make sure you are sitting somewhere you won't be interrupted.
Start by saying a prayer to ask for guidance. Come Holy Spirit and guide my thoughts. Help me bring to mind what I have done and what I have failed to do. When examining these actions, give me the strength to examine the motivation behind my thoughts and actions, so that I may root out vice and replace it with virtue.
Read through the questions, answering them after reflecting on your previous choices
You may wish to make a list of the sins you have committed so that you can bring them to confession.